seriously.

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Sat, 11 May 2013 07:09:57 -0400

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Sat, 11 May 2013 06:58:29 -0400

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Sat, 23 Mar 2013 17:44:55 -0400

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Sun, 03 Mar 2013 07:05:06 -0500

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Thu, 28 Feb 2013 06:29:07 -0500

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Thu, 28 Feb 2013 03:53:24 -0500

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Wed, 27 Feb 2013 06:01:38 -0500

Stranger.

Wed, 27 Feb 2013 05:42:11 -0500

As I look at the pictures of my biological father I can’t help but feel no attachment to him whatsoever. I don’t know this man. My family always told me that I looked just like him as a baby, but as we’re both older now I see no resemblance. I don’t know this man and I’ve never cared too much about him. He’s a stranger to me.

But then as I scroll through the posted pictures and I see him with his wife and his other kids, I can’t help but feel angry. And I haven’t been angry at him in a very long time. Yet as I see these recent pictures I feel tears behind my eyes and heat around my ears and I wonder Why wasn’t I worth it? Almost 25 years have gone by and I was never worth a phone call or a birthday card. I was never worth it to get an explanation of why my father couldn’t be a parent to me.

I’ve carried on well in my life. I’ve learned that my life is amazing and that if this man had stayed around to care for me, then I wouldn’t be where I am today.

So why this sudden curiosity and wonder about the man who is essentially half of my being? It’s because I know that he is literally a town away from me now. I’ve lived all my life on the mainland away from him, never having to face him, but now God has brought me to this island. The island that my biological father lives on. The island that he moved to after leaving my mother and me.

It is the most haunting feeling knowing that I could have passed this man a hundred times in the past month of living here, and neither of us would’ve known.

It would be amazing to someday meet this stranger and for a happily ever after to happen. For him to welcome me in his arms and to apologize for not being there for me. For him to tell me that he’s proud of what I’ve accomplished. Then for him to be a part of the rest of my life, to be the grandfather to my children, and great grandfather to their’s. That would undoubtedly be amazing.

What I really want, though, is to just keep that part of my life closed forever. I honestly don’t want to deal with any of it. It’s been buried for so long that it seems like a burden to dig it up.

I have spent my entire life without you, so I see no need for you to be in it now.

That’s the bitterness talking. Underneath that I know there’s a reason why I’m in this state, on this island, in this city right next to his. I know this isn’t a coincidence. I know it. But for now, I’m going to hold on to this bitterness I haven’t felt in over 10 years just for a little bit longer. I’m sure it’ll melt in the morning.

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Fri, 22 Feb 2013 08:04:05 -0500

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Fri, 22 Feb 2013 08:02:54 -0500

spiritualinspiration: www.facebook.com/naeemcallaway

Fri, 15 Feb 2013 06:06:55 -0500

spiritualinspiration:

www.facebook.com/naeemcallaway

Blessed.

Thu, 14 Feb 2013 15:24:23 -0500

My heart is overwhelmed with love for my God.

Erik & I are not perfect Christians, but we try to do our best. We pray together multiple times daily, we found a beautiful church to attend on Sundays, we give all glory back to God.

Lately God has been showering us with blessings. There is no doubt that He has blessed us abundantly in the past, but recently He has been giving us more than we need. And let me point this out first: I am not bragging about our faith in Him, but I am bragging about His faithfulness to us.

God heard our desire to move to Hawaii and He gave it to us, but with that desire we always knew a deployment would come hand in hand. We faced it and we simply told God “It’s in Your hands,” then left it there. We have been preparing ourselves and planning the rest of this year as if Erik was going to deploy. Last week, while Erik was on a 10 day leave, he received a call informing him that his battalion is no longer deploying at all.

Aside from that, God had given us a home here. There is a demand for housing here in Oahu like no other. Once an opening comes up for an apartment or house (on or off post), it gets taken up the same day. There are more people on this island than there are homes, yet Erik & I were able to find a nice apartment the second day we were in Hawaii. Not only that, but God has been providing us with extra finances that are allowing us to furnish our new home. In addition to that, He even saw how disgruntled I was with how old and dirty the oven was in our kitchen. Then today, out of the blue, maintenence came by to take away the old oven and install a brand new one! I didn’t even ask God for that, but He saw the desire in my heart.

God has been so amazing to us. There are even more great things that He has blessed us with, but the bottom line is that our God is such a loving God. He has been giving us the things we have asked for and even those we haven’t asked for. When He sees a need, He fulfills it. I can’t even express my gratitude towards Him.

Let’s just say that God is good ALL the time.

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Thu, 14 Feb 2013 06:02:34 -0500

Lame, but it made me smile.

Thu, 14 Feb 2013 05:57:29 -0500

Erik comes home & I’m not there, so he calls me.

Erik: Where are you?
Me: I’m out at a store.
Erik: Why aren’t you home?
Me: Because it’s beautiful out & I wanted to enjoy it.
Erik: Well, maybe you should just look in the mirror.

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Thu, 07 Feb 2013 08:19:26 -0500

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Wed, 06 Feb 2013 04:25:55 -0500

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Tue, 05 Feb 2013 04:50:46 -0500

Tip for teachers.

Mon, 04 Feb 2013 01:51:36 -0500

Tip for teachers.

9gag: Happens to me all time, I may be retarded… All the time....

Sun, 03 Feb 2013 04:10:00 -0500

9gag:

Happens to me all time, I may be retarded…

All the time. -___-

xconstantdreamerx: I can’t even LOL. THUG TOBY. HAHAHA

Thu, 31 Jan 2013 03:40:10 -0500

xconstantdreamerx:

I can’t even LOL. THUG TOBY. HAHAHA